get around credit

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If i don't get an adrenaline rush soon I am going to go insane. I need danger, i need to be scared, i need to FEEL something real. I don't have any dirtbikes, or tubes or speedboats, snowmobiles or cars here. Walking down dark deserted streets doesnt do anything for me, I lack emotion and they dont scare me. I lack emotion, have i mentioned? I'm like a brick wall, and that sucks for my acting career. I need to break it down if i ever want to improve and expand my horizons.

Confession: I'm an adrenaline rush addict.

Probably another reason i've been rather depressed. I feel like playing with fire or just going fast. Ha i realize what a crazy person i sound like. ha.
i think i need anti depressants. oh wait, cant take pills. Well nevermind, i guess it's just fucked for the time being. I'm so happy out here, truly. But it's days like these that just put a wet rag on things for a bit. I'm out Where I've been dreaming about, going to my dream school, with awesome people and i get to spend everyday doing what i love and chasing my dreams. I don't understand what my problem is today. But tomorrow shall be a better day :) i feel like i'm just typing jumbles of intertwining bullshit. so i'm going to stop typing.

This is me, in a bad mood. Enjoy.

I'm in a bad mood. not gonna lie. I've had 3 monologues to memorize this week and a scene. Awesome, it really would be if they were monologues i actually gave a shit about. But i'm stuck doing hamlet (which i still don't see the reason for. at all) and some impossible to memorize poem which i have been working on all night. And i STILL cannot get it. idk what the fuck is wrong with me but it's just going in one ear and out the next, i tried a lot too. My acting for camera monologue kicks ass, i get to yell and swear, for example: maybe your fuckin CUNT of  a wife sucked too many diseased cocks and turned you into a fuckin retard!"  ha love it. BUT kayla has the same monologue as me. shit. but mine is twice as long, but now it means i gotta go first, beat her to it otherwise it won't take people aback nearly as much the second time, it'll be old news and they won't have the same reaction. Neither will the teacher. who i've been working my ass off to impress because she hooks people up alot with roles. no pressure. not.

Anywho, lets see what else sucks.


Adam is gone. Yep, my best friend at AMDA and he's gone. Just when we were starting to hang out 24/7, literally, and all that. But he had to leave because of money issues. Fuck money. Let's all grow money trees and live happily ever after. But then he ended up getting the part of Jimny in the rainmaker for a profes theatre tour company up by san francisco. BAllin. So he would have left anyways. Hopefully he'll be back next semester though. But ugh, class just feels empty now. Everyone in my class has that person or people theyre closest to. Adam was mine. He started off annoying with all his neverending constant sex jokes but the better we became friends, the more the friend in him started coming out. Let's see who else is gone; charlie. I keep catch myself looking up on the hill hoping to see him. And eric, annoying as he was, we still had a ton of laughs and it was cool to just be able to go chill in someone elses room for a change. Brittany also, another girl in my class i was close to. 2nd semester is not so hot so far.


OH! but dad did get me a 2 month membership to 24 hour. YAYYY! so i've been going to the hip hop and yoga classes and working out alot. ANd i've given up all sweets and fats. But guess what? Just gained 5 pounds in 2 days. What the fuck am i, pregnant? ha actually thats not even funny since its a possibility and it's crossed my mind. Thank You drunken nights of being an idiot. Oh speaking of myself being an idiot, another mistake i made? Kyle. We hooked up again last weekend at marissas birthday party. The party was super fun, spin the bottle, i pretty much kissed everyone there, lots of undressing thanks to the kings cup game, I found out i have increased my alcohol tolerance ALOT, because i drank a shit load.  Oh and edibles. that didnt really work.
turns out i turn into a whore when i get drunk, and kyle was around. Next thing i know we were on a beanbag making out and in eachothers pants. TMI, i know. Not that anyone is reading this, I really hope not because i'm just rambling and not really putting any thought behind anything i'm saying..in a way. But anywho, I dont want to give kyle the idea, or myself for that matter, that i still like him. Because then he would feel guilty and piteous or whatever and I just don't want to be seen as the girl chasing some guy she can't get. I'm not one of those girls. You dont like me? Fuck you, i'm not going to waste my time. I havent realized it but now that i think about it, i've pretty much gotten any guy i was interested in. I've just gotten lucky or maybe been attracted to the people i can get. idk. minus emanuel, but that was sophmore year and i was crazy in love out of mind not thinking correctly ha. now he's married. cool. I just saw him at dq over the summer, it was like a fuckin movie. you see your high school sweetheart or dream crush, you're reconnected in some odd way like ordering ice cream and then he's all like "I'm getting married next month". Yep, just like a movie. ha its kind of funny. But anywho I just want to be friends with kyle, i kind of resent him in a way but i dont want what happened to get in the way of him thinking i just want to be friends. ugh. What am i doing with myself? I'm taking a break from guys. I'm not planning on getting married, not planning on any fetus ever being inside me, so is it really necesary? sex gets old when it loses it's meaning. So I think I'll stick to my career, as planned.

UGH UGH UGH. it's 2 in the morning, i have a scene that could be better and an unmemorized monologue to perform tomorrow. I feel like someone should grab me and slam my head into a wall. On that note, goodnight.

goodbye first semester, it was my pleasure :)

today was the last day of my first semester at AMDA!!
i love this school so so SO much, and everyone who goes here.
This is definitely where I need to be. There's not a doubt in my mind.
I feel like i've really grown and advanced as an actress.
I realized the most important thing was to simply just not act, don't try. Before I would try and perfect every word I said and I would just practice over and over and over until I was stuck in a pattern. But then I realized being stuck in a pattern meant there was no room for improvement or an open mind to try new things. But I think i'm out of that now :) I rocked my acting scene from the very beginning, my part as Muriel. My instructor told me that today. She hasn't had any critiques for me, which never ever happens for anyone in the class. She loved everything i was doing. I stayed after to talk to her today and she told me how much i'd improved and that she really like what i'm doing. AHH that makes me so happy!! Just the feeling that I know what i'm doing now, and it's only my first semester!
I love you American Musical and Dramatic Academy!

2.1.11

ha i just noticed i hadn't blogged in awhile. SOOO i went and got a bunch of stuff from urban outfitters today and then i went to that one store on hollywood between cahuenga and ivar. Well the guy thought i was pretty so he decided to give me a shit load of dresses for free!! Like 30$ dresses. Yep, For the win.

Then I had a rehearsal with Nik for sundown beach, which went splendidly. We're really listening to eachother and being effected, by eachothers words and touch. It's really coming along and it feels real. I am just ready for Flanagan to critique us now! she works with people for an hour and then she does our scene for 5 minutes. She gives nik one or two things to change, tells me what she liked and then that's it. Which i guess is a good thing, but i feel cheated. I am paying for criticism!! ha but i guess it's good? Then I went and rehearsed vocals. I'm singing the actuary song with allie for cafe performance auditions. Then I'm doing roxie from chicago!!!! and home from beauty and the beast, which i lovee singing. They're all great and I'm in love with them all. I just wish i've been singing since i was 5 ha. but oh well, this whole learning process is fun.

OH AND THEN I ALMOST DIED. I guess i was the last one in the building because it was 11. Then out of nowhere the lights turned off. SCARY SHIT. then i had to use my phone to manuever to the door, which i freaked and thought was locked, but it was just stuck. Then i ran into the security guard with only my cell light, and he's a big indian guy and i thought he was some murderer there to kill innocent girls rehearsing vocals late at night. BUTTT he was just the guard. Yep, i shrieked and woke up all of amda pretty sure. 

Anywho t'was my day :D

hellooo mrs. piggy

Me and Allie just saw an episode of the muppets being filmed on hollywood blvd.

LEGIT.

Then we realized all the cars on the blvd were not moving and everyone in them were sitting dead still. 

CREEEPYY!

I got more platinum than your credit card.

We had a hair dying party last night. Victoria dyed John's hair red, Allie's hair red and mine platinum blonde. Then I dyed hers red with blonde streaks. We all look fucking hot, just so you know. ;) more pictures will be up soon, of all of us.

Oh, and I got my headshots done, he was really cool and laid back and easy to talk to. I should be seeing them soooon i hope. We shot in space 1520 and met up at groundwork cafe. Anywho, we're shooting again later this week. the best part?
i get free headshots for the rest of my life. yes, thats right, i will never have to pay for headshots. He said anyone helping him with his portfolio, such as myself, will get lifetime free shots, whenever needed. FUCK YEAH. An actor's dream.

platinummmm