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If i don't get an adrenaline rush soon I am going to go insane. I need danger, i need to be scared, i need to FEEL something real. I don't have any dirtbikes, or tubes or speedboats, snowmobiles or cars here. Walking down dark deserted streets doesnt do anything for me, I lack emotion and they dont scare me. I lack emotion, have i mentioned? I'm like a brick wall, and that sucks for my acting career. I need to break it down if i ever want to improve and expand my horizons.

Confession: I'm an adrenaline rush addict.

Probably another reason i've been rather depressed. I feel like playing with fire or just going fast. Ha i realize what a crazy person i sound like. ha.
i think i need anti depressants. oh wait, cant take pills. Well nevermind, i guess it's just fucked for the time being. I'm so happy out here, truly. But it's days like these that just put a wet rag on things for a bit. I'm out Where I've been dreaming about, going to my dream school, with awesome people and i get to spend everyday doing what i love and chasing my dreams. I don't understand what my problem is today. But tomorrow shall be a better day :) i feel like i'm just typing jumbles of intertwining bullshit. so i'm going to stop typing.

This is me, in a bad mood. Enjoy.

I'm in a bad mood. not gonna lie. I've had 3 monologues to memorize this week and a scene. Awesome, it really would be if they were monologues i actually gave a shit about. But i'm stuck doing hamlet (which i still don't see the reason for. at all) and some impossible to memorize poem which i have been working on all night. And i STILL cannot get it. idk what the fuck is wrong with me but it's just going in one ear and out the next, i tried a lot too. My acting for camera monologue kicks ass, i get to yell and swear, for example: maybe your fuckin CUNT of  a wife sucked too many diseased cocks and turned you into a fuckin retard!"  ha love it. BUT kayla has the same monologue as me. shit. but mine is twice as long, but now it means i gotta go first, beat her to it otherwise it won't take people aback nearly as much the second time, it'll be old news and they won't have the same reaction. Neither will the teacher. who i've been working my ass off to impress because she hooks people up alot with roles. no pressure. not.

Anywho, lets see what else sucks.


Adam is gone. Yep, my best friend at AMDA and he's gone. Just when we were starting to hang out 24/7, literally, and all that. But he had to leave because of money issues. Fuck money. Let's all grow money trees and live happily ever after. But then he ended up getting the part of Jimny in the rainmaker for a profes theatre tour company up by san francisco. BAllin. So he would have left anyways. Hopefully he'll be back next semester though. But ugh, class just feels empty now. Everyone in my class has that person or people theyre closest to. Adam was mine. He started off annoying with all his neverending constant sex jokes but the better we became friends, the more the friend in him started coming out. Let's see who else is gone; charlie. I keep catch myself looking up on the hill hoping to see him. And eric, annoying as he was, we still had a ton of laughs and it was cool to just be able to go chill in someone elses room for a change. Brittany also, another girl in my class i was close to. 2nd semester is not so hot so far.


OH! but dad did get me a 2 month membership to 24 hour. YAYYY! so i've been going to the hip hop and yoga classes and working out alot. ANd i've given up all sweets and fats. But guess what? Just gained 5 pounds in 2 days. What the fuck am i, pregnant? ha actually thats not even funny since its a possibility and it's crossed my mind. Thank You drunken nights of being an idiot. Oh speaking of myself being an idiot, another mistake i made? Kyle. We hooked up again last weekend at marissas birthday party. The party was super fun, spin the bottle, i pretty much kissed everyone there, lots of undressing thanks to the kings cup game, I found out i have increased my alcohol tolerance ALOT, because i drank a shit load.  Oh and edibles. that didnt really work.
turns out i turn into a whore when i get drunk, and kyle was around. Next thing i know we were on a beanbag making out and in eachothers pants. TMI, i know. Not that anyone is reading this, I really hope not because i'm just rambling and not really putting any thought behind anything i'm saying..in a way. But anywho, I dont want to give kyle the idea, or myself for that matter, that i still like him. Because then he would feel guilty and piteous or whatever and I just don't want to be seen as the girl chasing some guy she can't get. I'm not one of those girls. You dont like me? Fuck you, i'm not going to waste my time. I havent realized it but now that i think about it, i've pretty much gotten any guy i was interested in. I've just gotten lucky or maybe been attracted to the people i can get. idk. minus emanuel, but that was sophmore year and i was crazy in love out of mind not thinking correctly ha. now he's married. cool. I just saw him at dq over the summer, it was like a fuckin movie. you see your high school sweetheart or dream crush, you're reconnected in some odd way like ordering ice cream and then he's all like "I'm getting married next month". Yep, just like a movie. ha its kind of funny. But anywho I just want to be friends with kyle, i kind of resent him in a way but i dont want what happened to get in the way of him thinking i just want to be friends. ugh. What am i doing with myself? I'm taking a break from guys. I'm not planning on getting married, not planning on any fetus ever being inside me, so is it really necesary? sex gets old when it loses it's meaning. So I think I'll stick to my career, as planned.

UGH UGH UGH. it's 2 in the morning, i have a scene that could be better and an unmemorized monologue to perform tomorrow. I feel like someone should grab me and slam my head into a wall. On that note, goodnight.

goodbye first semester, it was my pleasure :)

today was the last day of my first semester at AMDA!!
i love this school so so SO much, and everyone who goes here.
This is definitely where I need to be. There's not a doubt in my mind.
I feel like i've really grown and advanced as an actress.
I realized the most important thing was to simply just not act, don't try. Before I would try and perfect every word I said and I would just practice over and over and over until I was stuck in a pattern. But then I realized being stuck in a pattern meant there was no room for improvement or an open mind to try new things. But I think i'm out of that now :) I rocked my acting scene from the very beginning, my part as Muriel. My instructor told me that today. She hasn't had any critiques for me, which never ever happens for anyone in the class. She loved everything i was doing. I stayed after to talk to her today and she told me how much i'd improved and that she really like what i'm doing. AHH that makes me so happy!! Just the feeling that I know what i'm doing now, and it's only my first semester!
I love you American Musical and Dramatic Academy!

2.1.11

ha i just noticed i hadn't blogged in awhile. SOOO i went and got a bunch of stuff from urban outfitters today and then i went to that one store on hollywood between cahuenga and ivar. Well the guy thought i was pretty so he decided to give me a shit load of dresses for free!! Like 30$ dresses. Yep, For the win.

Then I had a rehearsal with Nik for sundown beach, which went splendidly. We're really listening to eachother and being effected, by eachothers words and touch. It's really coming along and it feels real. I am just ready for Flanagan to critique us now! she works with people for an hour and then she does our scene for 5 minutes. She gives nik one or two things to change, tells me what she liked and then that's it. Which i guess is a good thing, but i feel cheated. I am paying for criticism!! ha but i guess it's good? Then I went and rehearsed vocals. I'm singing the actuary song with allie for cafe performance auditions. Then I'm doing roxie from chicago!!!! and home from beauty and the beast, which i lovee singing. They're all great and I'm in love with them all. I just wish i've been singing since i was 5 ha. but oh well, this whole learning process is fun.

OH AND THEN I ALMOST DIED. I guess i was the last one in the building because it was 11. Then out of nowhere the lights turned off. SCARY SHIT. then i had to use my phone to manuever to the door, which i freaked and thought was locked, but it was just stuck. Then i ran into the security guard with only my cell light, and he's a big indian guy and i thought he was some murderer there to kill innocent girls rehearsing vocals late at night. BUTTT he was just the guard. Yep, i shrieked and woke up all of amda pretty sure. 

Anywho t'was my day :D

hellooo mrs. piggy

Me and Allie just saw an episode of the muppets being filmed on hollywood blvd.

LEGIT.

Then we realized all the cars on the blvd were not moving and everyone in them were sitting dead still. 

CREEEPYY!

I got more platinum than your credit card.

We had a hair dying party last night. Victoria dyed John's hair red, Allie's hair red and mine platinum blonde. Then I dyed hers red with blonde streaks. We all look fucking hot, just so you know. ;) more pictures will be up soon, of all of us.

Oh, and I got my headshots done, he was really cool and laid back and easy to talk to. I should be seeing them soooon i hope. We shot in space 1520 and met up at groundwork cafe. Anywho, we're shooting again later this week. the best part?
i get free headshots for the rest of my life. yes, thats right, i will never have to pay for headshots. He said anyone helping him with his portfolio, such as myself, will get lifetime free shots, whenever needed. FUCK YEAH. An actor's dream.

platinummmm

BEACH!

WHO"S GOING TO THE BEACH? I'M GOING TO THE BEACH!

excitementttt :D
Victoria, Allie and I :)
&I'm gonna get my tan onnnnn.
santa monica here i come :)

1.14.11

Yesterday was a wonderful fabulous amazing day. I was so overwhelmed with happiness all day long.
1. I got Muriel AND the scene i wanted in sundown Beach
2. It was 80 degrees. in january :)
3. I did so well on my continuity in my acting for camera scene no one had a single correction while everyone else had at least a dozen. I even got applause =p
4. Trevor, my cousin, told me he's going to move out here after he graduates high school!!! 
 " right now my plan is to move to cali after graduation and get an apartment ... close to my cousing apartment of cours and go to community college down there for 2 years, then i think ill be a citizen im not sure i gotta look into it, then after 2 years i can go to a university for cheaper hahha" thats what he told me over facebook. we decided we're going to get an apartment together!!
It's weird we've never been that close or talked that much, until i was about to move out here. Then we became closer on terms of how jealous he was that i was going to live in cali :p He also broke up with his girlfriend, elise, of 21 months. Which is sad and i did not see coming at all, but he's okay and he just needs someone to text since he's not always texting elise anymore. so we've been talking a lot more. I REALLY HOPE THIS ALL WORKS OUT!!!!! :D

5. My voice lesson went fab. She worked me really hard and kept yelling at me, which is what it's going to take to make me better. She made me really want to be better so I'm planning on working really hard this week, at least 30 minutes a day because i want to blow her mind on saturday.
Hips back, tongue back and wide, chest up, head back, drop stomach, push obliques, etc etc. I don't just sing i have to fucking puppet my body. lol but when i get it right it works so it's all good :)

6. Me and Allie dyed our hair. Oh what an adventure, we walked two miles to sally's to get a hair bleaching kit and well we were both high on life and happiness and i'm sure people thought we were on speed. ha. we decided since it was such a good day we would spend some money and pig out for once. So we went to k24, the best restraunt ever, i love it. I got a hamburger, fries, and a shake, which i havent had since i've been here thanks to my fat free diet. It was amazing. until later, but thats besides the point lol. and i got home to find out part of the kit was not included so i couldnt dye my hair, so i'm going to do it today instead. EXCITED!

7. Me and Allie whip our hair back and forth. 

8.  We went to the beach at 2:15 in the morning and smoked, drank, laid on blankets, listened to the waves and looked at the stars. I was with Mirade, Vicki and Eric. It was all pretty serene and all, until we realized how fucking creepy it was. Seriously, a desserted beach at 3am, with random shady people walking around, think about it. There was this man in black standing behind a volleyball pole, but no one else saw him and kept saying there was no one there, well i got fucking pissed they werent believeing me, because they were all much more high than i was, and he was definitley there, and they just kept walking. Then we all started to get scared and ran back a lot further from the shoreline. Then we heard a bloodcurdling scream from the pier and mirade started talking about how it's gang territory at night or some shit. Eric goes "Maybe someone went in the water and it was cold"....shut the fuck up. that's all i have to say on that. Not only that i was paranoid because we were fuckin just smoking on the open beach. So we went back to the car and then as we were smoking in the car a fuckin cop car pulled up. He was only shining lights on a hobo but he was seriously 15 feet away and if he saw us he would come over there, smell the weed, SEE the weed and it wouldnt be too great. So we all sat there frozen. Then he left. Then there was a shady looking group of people walking to our car. So we finally just fucking bouced out of there. Wow that whole night just knocked 2 years off my life because of stress. Ha.
But at least it was an adventure. We got back at 4:30am and went to bed :)

SO i spent the whole day, until like 2am, being overwhelmed with happiness and not knowing what to even do with myself. It was quite exhausting actually ha.

Playing on the beach at 3am :)

vicki, mirade and I :)

deuces!

MURIEL!

I GOT MURIEL! :D
i am SO happy. Not only that but i got the scene i wanted too, i got both, i got everything i wanted. Ha wow i sounded just like Muriel. But isn't that crazy, that i got both the character AND the scene I wanted? it'd be great if my whole career went like this. ha.
There ended up being 3 people to play Muriel. She said Liesl will be Vanilla, and Mona will be Hazel. Two people who wanted to be Muriel, who weren't. Then she said, "Muriel will be Penny and... oh wait" Then she moved to other characters. THREE fucking minutes later she comes back to Muriel "Muriel will be played by Penny, Jennifer and Tori". yes yes yesss. Tori didn't even want it, she wanted to be Nona, so she wasn't happy. Which I thought was weird how I was dying for the role while she was dying not to be the role.

The scene; Divorce.
Nik will be playing George in my scene. He's cool and we haven't had the opportunity to do a scene together yet. So it shall be fun :) I am presenting him with divorce papers, thanks to my bad influence friend Hazel. I start stand offish, then get mad, then timid and apologetic and then sad and emotional. I end up sobbing in his arms and then pull myself together and take my exit. I have 30 lines, but 4 are short monologues.

ahhhh have i mentioned i'm excited?! I'm rehearsing with Nik tomorrow at 12:30. We have to do an improv version of our scene on monday. We won't perform the actual scene for a few weeks, for finals. But I'm going to start learning lines and working on it tonight. AHH I"M SO FUCKING EXCITED!
i'm going to work so hard on this :)

I don't really know why i'm this excited just for a final, it's not like it's a feature film or even independent ha. but hey, obsession is what leads to the success i guess :)

Obsession,

Our class is doing Sundown Beach for our Final Performance. We each get a a character and a scene. There will be like 2 or 3 of every character, because we will each only be doing one scene. So she let us pick what character we wanted. I asked Eric which one he could see me playing and he said Muriel. I completely forgot about Muriel but once I started studying her I REALLY liked her.

Theme of the Play: Takes place during WWII. everyone has Post traumatic stress disorder. It's mostly a character play so it's just about all the separate stories, there is no main plot line.


Muriel: Married to George, who was a bomber pilot and has PTSD. I've grown up spoiled, rich and educated. I like staying active and is not fond of change. Well thanks to the war, change is unavoidable. As much as I hate to say it, George is a burden and I can't emotionally deal with it. Along with the rest of this war. 


So here's the thing, I got to class and every character had about 2 or 3 people in their group (the perfect amount, since each character needs 2 or 3 people). Except, (you'll never guess) Muriel. There are 6 people who want Muriel. There can only be 3. UGH. Suddenly I've become obsessed, i've studied all her scenes and have found myself acting and holding myself as muriel would. Little things such as a hand on the hip, sitting up straight in class, just small things. I really want this role. And I'd LOVE to have the scene where she is presenting the divorce papers because it's emotional and I get to change a lot through the scene. There's a lot of character development and internal dialogue. Also, the gun scene, where george pulls a gun out and goes crazy. Except I don't have many lines. Or the beginning scene, which required a hardcore make-out with whoever plays George. Fun stuff.

Sooo basically I'm obsessed. Welcome to the world of acting.
oh wow, Liz just woke up and asked me what time it was. It's 1:37 am. wonderful. I have dance at 8am tomorrow. Class from 8am- 6pm, to be exact. that is 10 hours of school right there! Dance &movement, acting, theatre history, Vocal Lesson, and a makeup class for Acting for Camera. ohh speaking of acting for camera, our scenes this week had to be about continuity (hard scary shit, it's not easy). I did my scene with adam. She said continuity on his side was a disaster, and his scene would have been cut, haha she completley burned him. but she said i matched and there were only a few things! scoreee ;)
In your face, Continuity. :D

anywhooo, goodnight :)

Tomorrow I find out if I'm Muriel or not, which I mean I'm sure she already had her mind made up before class even started. Because thats how it goes, they know if theyre gonna cast you or not as soon as you walk in the room, before you even slate. Unfortunately. So fingers crossed! Ugh I really should not be obsessing this much. But if I don't get it I will just make the best of whatever part I get!

goodnight :) (For real this time!)

Dedicated to Traces, the true celebrites.

I should be doing my theatre history homework but instead I am sitting here at midnight with Allie and Marissa and we're all blogging away to our hearts content. I also didn't practice vocals, or read over sundown beach. Fail.

Buuut I went to see Traces tonight. Oh my God, I forgot how to breathe. THE most amazing thing I have ever seen. I kind of want to stalk them and be their biggest fan, not to be creepy. I think I'm officially obsessed. I heard Circus LA is even more amazing, which I can't imagine. It was like watching a whole different species. I realized these are the people that should be famous, these should be the faces on magazines, the one's that walk red carpets and have to wear sunglasses so people don't flock them wanting autographs. Not people like Paris Hilton and the Kardashians who are just famous because theyre rich. Or people like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan who are famous just because they're so messed up. Unfortunatley people achieve famosity for the wrong reasons. Yes, famosity is my own original word. Feel free to use it. Someday it'll be big. :) Marissa just said "Like a Boss". Again. haha :)

anyways I'm really bad at staying on one topic, as you can tell. But the point of this was that I didn't do much today, and it would've been unproductive and useless except for that I saw Traces, which rocked my world, let alone my day. Therefore today was phenomenal. The cast of Traces are the true celebrities of this world. Oh and here are a million pictures, because I am obsessed, if I didn't mention

yes, he is on a skateboard. badass.

no hands. hollerrr.

what is better than an asian  jumping through hoops?

First Blog yo.

Thanks to Allie and Marissa I now have a blog. Yay I'm excited! :)